Light Bulbs

School Light Bulb Jokes

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Abbotsleigh Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it's brighter than PLC's.

Ascham One, because she's a unique, self motivated, individual.

Ascham Revised Five. One to sneak across the road to get it, one to break a nail opening the box, one to do the actual screwing, one to make sure they’ve all got their badges on and one to bitch about it.

Barker College Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.

Barker College Revised Eighty-one. 35 to be in the light bulb changing squad, 10 to be in the final light-bulb changing team, 1 to actually change the bulb, 2 to recieve the lightbulb changing trophy, 8 to construct a new trophy cabinet to house it, 1 to be expelled from the school for drug possession, 14 to walk around like they own the place, and 9 to chant "Ooh, aah, Apple Chapel" to the Knox boys.

Barrenjoey High Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience

Brigidine It's too hard to find a new globe with their sunglasses on.

Cabramatta High Ten. One to change the bulb, two to negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the change and the rest to stake out just in case.

Castle Hill High None. They're all at the school captain's piss up.

Condell Park None. They didn't want to spoil its 'quickie in the dark' atmosphere.

The Conservatorium Forty-three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.

Cranbrook Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.

Cranbrook Revised Twelve. One to change the light bulb, one to make a rude head joke and the other ten to laugh insanely about it for several months.

Danebank Not sure. No one really cares about Danebank. (except me, 'coz I have a friend there...)

East Hills Girls Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about East Hills.

Forest High Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.

Frensham The girl who answered the phone said she was pleased to be included with the Sydney schools but probably would never know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.

Glebe High Three. One to dope the teacher, one to steal all the pens and one to set fire to the building. Screw the light bulb!

Glenaeon The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe, two to work out how to dispose of it so that it's dolphin safe, one to replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express how they feel about the change.

Girraween High Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.

Girraween High - Reviseds One. Using a construction of toothpicks and fruit that won them the Tournament of Minds.
None. They cant afford a lightbulb as they are all saving their money to get that new hall they have been promising for 25 years.
None. They don’t care as they are all too busy trying to transfer to James Ruse or Baulkham Hills.

Hills Grammar One, as long as it is Delta so the publicity is bigger.

Hills Grammar - Reviseds One, to prove that he/she is as capable and influential as a GPS student.
None, they call their daddies to get it done so that they can prove their daddies are as rich and powerful as all the other private school daddies.
None, they are all little shits who believe such work is below them because they go to a private school.

Holy Cross Four. One to change the bulb, one to pray for its soul, one to scoff at religion in general and one to slip bits of paper with threatening messages under the admin door.

Homebush Boys High Fourteen. One to change it, one to throw the old one at the St Pat's boys and 12 to kick the crap out of each other in the meantime.

Hunters Hill Too easy.

The International School None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing them.

James Ruse Agricultural Four. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the switch.

Joey's Fifteen. It's not that one's not smart enough, it's just that they're a team and they have to form a lineout and get the backs into position.

Jooey's Revised Four. To get naked and run through my school. I suppose one of them could carry a lightbulb between their arse-cheeks.

Kambala Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.

Killara High Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the “North Shore TimesEabout how she did it as well as any private school student.

Kincoppal Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterwards.

Kings Two. One to change the globe faster than anyone in the GPS and one to show him around the school afterwards.

Knox Grammar Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.

Kox Revised Two, Bazz and Jony. At the moment, it's looking like they'll be the only ones who'll be anywhere near qualified to do it any time soon :P

Kogarah High Five. One to install it. One to tally the number of times he says "Fuck!" while he's doing it, one to brag about the size of their falafels and a couple of eager chicks with gelled hair and monobrows who overheard and came for 'lunch'.

Leichardt High Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister's husband Tony has an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbour Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favour and one to make sure everything is done cash.

Loretto Kirribilli One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.

Macdonald College Five. One to change the globe and four to do an interpretive dance about it.

Marist Eastwood Five. One to change it and four to shop for the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

Mater Maria Twenty. One to change it and the rest to carry on about how it was, like, soooo fully better than at their old school.

Mercy College Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the St Pius boys about it.

MLC Two. One to change it and one to stay behind to translate the English instructions.

Moorebank High

Moriah College None. Why bother changing it? Daddy can afford to buy me a new school.

Mount Druitt Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the globe, two to help him reach the socket using their pregnant tummies as steps and one to help install it.

Narrabeen Sports High Unsure. Their response was something like 'Duuh, what's a light globe?'

Newington None. They're all too drunk to notice.

Newington Revised There’s got to be at least one guy trying to find out if a light bulb can do what a flute couldn’t.

Northern Beaches Christian School Two. One human and God just to make sure the light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter blah blah fuckin' blah...

North Sydney Girls None. They're all steering clear of the North Sydney Boys.

North Sydney Boys None. They all burst into tears when they saw the NSG chicks flirting with Shore.

Oakhill Twelve. One to go to Towers to buy it, ten to go down there with him to hang out at the bus stop and one to change it.

Parramatta High None. That hole looks better in the dark

Pennant Hills High About fifteen. One to change the bulb, but a small search party to try and find a socket that hasn't been burnt to a crisp.

Pennant Hills High - Revised One. There was only one student there. They left soon after.

PLC ? One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

PLC Sydney We don't know, but we're told their motto means "Better than Croyden".

Plumpton High One-point-five. Must I really explain?

Queenwood Depends, could be one, could be ten, but no one is prepared to commit unless the Shore boys are definitely going to be there.

Ravenswood Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn't look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.

Riverview Five. One to change it, and four to go to Gowings for new flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.

Santa Sabina None. They're all down at Strathfield station having a ciggie.

St Aloyisius Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.

St Pat's, Strathfield Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress the Santa Sabina chicks, while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Strathfield Station).

St Pius X Three, one to get word around that the Mercy girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the Chatswood High boys to the Mercy party.

SCEGGS Darlinghurst None. They don't need any lights, just a wall to hold back the darkness.

SCEGGS Darlinghurst - Revised Ten would start, but by the time they'd finished bitching and moaning, it would be daylight again.

SCEGGS Redlands Three. One to change the bulb and two to nick down to Bed, Bath and Table to buy a Jacquard shade for it in the new season's colours.

SCEGGS Redlands - Revised Sixty-one. One to change to light bulb, while the other sixty go on a treasure hunt and steal street signs to celebrate.

The Scots College Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.

The Scots College - Revised A whole lot. One to change the bulb, one to be electrocuted by turning the power on too soon, the media to "alert the public" and a teacher to try to publicly deny that the school was in any way responsible.

Shore Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.

Sydney Girl's High One and she was determined to get better results than the Sydney Boys.

Sydney Boy's High None. They didn't have to, the Sydney Girls insisted on showing them how it was done.

Sydney Grammar Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.

USYD Seventy-six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe's right not to change and twenty-five to stage counter protest.

Tara Five. One to replace the globe, three to figure out that she screwed it in upside down and one to phone her brother at Kings and get him to send over his mates to show them how to screw the right way up.

Temple Emanuel Ten. One to change it...and 9 to run down to Moriah and brag about it.

Trinity None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.

Tynedale None. They're all too busy at Westpoint, Blacktown.

Wenona One. She'll go down to the bus stop and flirt with a Shore boy until he comes up to change it for her.

If you want to add a school, or revise an existing one, email me at stef@skennie.com.

Abbotsleigh	Four. One to smash the glass ceiling so that they can get to the top of the ladder, one to install the globe and two to check that it's brighter than PLC's.
Ascham	One, because she's a unique, self motivated, individual.
Ascham Revised	Five. One to sneak across the road to get it, one to break a nail opening the box, one to do the actual screwing, one to make sure they’ve all got their badges on and one to bitch about it.
Barker College	Fifteen. One to change it and the rest to walk around as if they own the place and talk it up.
Barker College Revised	Eighty-one. 35 to be in the light bulb changing squad, 10 to be in the final light-bulb changing team, 1 to actually change the bulb, 2 to recieve the lightbulb changing trophy, 8 to construct a new trophy cabinet to house it, 1 to be expelled from the school for drug possession, 14 to walk around like they own the place, and 9 to chant "Ooh, aah, Apple Chapel" to the Knox boys.
Barrenjoey High	Eleven. One to change it and ten to share the experience
Brigidine	It's too hard to find a new globe with their sunglasses on.
Cabramatta High	Ten. One to change the bulb, two to negotiate a pay off to rival gangs to prevent anything going down during the change and the rest to stake out just in case.
Castle Hill High	None. They're all at the school captain's piss up.
Condell Park	None. They didn't want to spoil its 'quickie in the dark' atmosphere.
The Conservatorium	Forty-three. One to change the globe and a 42 piece orchestra to accompany him.
Cranbrook	Six. One to change the bulb and five to support its sexual orientation.
Cranbrook Revised	Twelve. One to change the light bulb, one to make a rude head joke and the other ten to laugh insanely about it for several months.
Danebank	Not sure. No one really cares about Danebank. (except me, 'coz I have a friend there...)
East Hills Girls	Nobody bothered to ask because nobody cares about East Hills.
Forest High	Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.
Frensham	The girl who answered the phone said she was pleased to be included with the Sydney schools but probably would never know the answer because her Daddy had said to phone immediately if the maintenance man made any disgusting suggestions.
Glebe High	Three. One to dope the teacher, one to steal all the pens and one to set fire to the building. Screw the light bulb!
Glenaeon	The entire school. One to remove the perfectly good globe, two to work out how to dispose of it so that it's dolphin safe, one to replace it with candles and the rest to sit on mats and express how they feel about the change.
Girraween High	Two. One student and one teacher but not before they make out.
Girraween High - Reviseds	One. Using a construction of toothpicks and fruit that won them the Tournament of Minds. None. They cant afford a lightbulb as they are all saving their money to get that new hall they have been promising for 25 years. None. They don’t care as they are all too busy trying to transfer to James Ruse or Baulkham Hills.
Hills Grammar	One, as long as it is Delta so the publicity is bigger.
Hills Grammar - Reviseds	One, to prove that he/she is as capable and influential as a GPS student. None, they call their daddies to get it done so that they can prove their daddies are as rich and powerful as all the other private school daddies. None, they are all little shits who believe such work is below them because they go to a private school.
Holy Cross	Four. One to change the bulb, one to pray for its soul, one to scoff at religion in general and one to slip bits of paper with threatening messages under the admin door.
Homebush Boys High	Fourteen. One to change it, one to throw the old one at the St Pat's boys and 12 to kick the crap out of each other in the meantime.
Hunters Hill	Too easy.
The International School	None. They brought notes from their guardians excusing them.
James Ruse Agricultural	Four. One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, two to install it and one to write the computer program that controls the switch.
Joey's	Fifteen. It's not that one's not smart enough, it's just that they're a team and they have to form a lineout and get the backs into position.
Jooey's Revised	Four. To get naked and run through my school. I suppose one of them could carry a lightbulb between their arse-cheeks.
Kambala	Two. One to change the bulb and one to phone daddy to pay for it.
Killara High	Two. One to change the bulb and one to write to the “North Shore TimesEabout how she did it as well as any private school student.
Kincoppal	Three. One to change it and two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place afterwards.
Kings	Two. One to change the globe faster than anyone in the GPS and one to show him around the school afterwards.
Knox Grammar	Two. One to install the new bulb completely powered by testosterone and one to brag about it loudly.
Kox Revised	Two, Bazz and Jony. At the moment, it's looking like they'll be the only ones who'll be anywhere near qualified to do it any time soon :P
Kogarah High	Five. One to install it. One to tally the number of times he says "Fuck!" while he's doing it, one to brag about the size of their falafels and a couple of eager chicks with gelled hair and monobrows who overheard and came for 'lunch'.
Leichardt High	Four. One to order a Venetian chandelier from her cousin Roberto who owns a lighting warehouse and imports from the old country, one to arrange delivery cause his sister's husband Tony has an uncle whose mate, Angelo, has a truck, one to put the squeeze on his neighbour Dominic the electrician because he owes him a favour and one to make sure everything is done cash.
Loretto Kirribilli	One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.
Macdonald College	Five. One to change the globe and four to do an interpretive dance about it.
Marist Eastwood	Five. One to change it and four to shop for the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
Mater Maria	Twenty. One to change it and the rest to carry on about how it was, like, soooo fully better than at their old school.
Mercy College	Five, one to screw it in, two to laugh about the word screw and two to message the St Pius boys about it.
MLC	Two. One to change it and one to stay behind to translate the English instructions.
Moorebank High
Moriah College	None. Why bother changing it? Daddy can afford to buy me a new school.
Mount Druitt	Six. Two to break into the store, one to steal the globe, two to help him reach the socket using their pregnant tummies as steps and one to help install it.
Narrabeen Sports High	Unsure. Their response was something like 'Duuh, what's a light globe?'
Newington	None. They're all too drunk to notice.
Newington Revised	There’s got to be at least one guy trying to find out if a light bulb can do what a flute couldn’t.
Northern Beaches Christian School	Two. One human and God just to make sure the light shelters all in need, whether it be for food, shelter blah blah fuckin' blah...
North Sydney Girls	None. They're all steering clear of the North Sydney Boys.
North Sydney Boys	None. They all burst into tears when they saw the NSG chicks flirting with Shore.
Oakhill	Twelve. One to go to Towers to buy it, ten to go down there with him to hang out at the bus stop and one to change it.
Parramatta High	None. That hole looks better in the dark
Pennant Hills High	About fifteen. One to change the bulb, but a small search party to try and find a socket that hasn't been burnt to a crisp.
Pennant Hills High - Revised	One. There was only one student there. They left soon after.
PLC ?	One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
PLC Sydney	We don't know, but we're told their motto means "Better than Croyden".
Plumpton High	One-point-five. Must I really explain?
Queenwood	Depends, could be one, could be ten, but no one is prepared to commit unless the Shore boys are definitely going to be there.
Ravenswood	Five. One to change the bulb, two to reassure her that she doesn't look fat at the top of the ladder and two to circulate photos showing that she does.
Riverview	Five. One to change it, and four to go to Gowings for new flannelette shirts to wear for the occasion.
Santa Sabina	None. They're all down at Strathfield station having a ciggie.
St Aloyisius	Three. One to put in a formal complaint about the imposition, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.
St Pat's, Strathfield	Ten. One to change it and one to buy the hair gel to impress the Santa Sabina chicks, while the rest compete wiv da Christian Bruvvers for da turf (Strathfield Station).
St Pius X	Three, one to get word around that the Mercy girls are talking about a screw, one to replace the bulb and one to pray that they get it done in time to beat the Chatswood High boys to the Mercy party.
SCEGGS Darlinghurst	None. They don't need any lights, just a wall to hold back the darkness.
SCEGGS Darlinghurst - Revised	Ten would start, but by the time they'd finished bitching and moaning, it would be daylight again.
SCEGGS Redlands	Three. One to change the bulb and two to nick down to Bed, Bath and Table to buy a Jacquard shade for it in the new season's colours.
SCEGGS Redlands - Revised	Sixty-one. One to change to light bulb, while the other sixty go on a treasure hunt and steal street signs to celebrate.
The Scots College	Two. One to mix the martinis and one to phone the electrician.
The Scots College - Revised	A whole lot. One to change the bulb, one to be electrocuted by turning the power on too soon, the media to "alert the public" and a teacher to try to publicly deny that the school was in any way responsible.
Shore	Sixteen. One to send out the invitations, two to get the beer, one to change the bulb, one to buy Ralph Lauren polos for everyone, two to smuggle the chicks in and one to keep watch for the boarding master. The second eight just need to be ready to back them up.
Sydney Girl's High	One and she was determined to get better results than the Sydney Boys.
Sydney Boy's High	None. They didn't have to, the Sydney Girls insisted on showing them how it was done.
Sydney Grammar	Two. One to change the bulb and one to crack under the pressure.
USYD	Seventy-six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest the globe's right not to change and twenty-five to stage counter protest.
Tara	Five. One to replace the globe, three to figure out that she screwed it in upside down and one to phone her brother at Kings and get him to send over his mates to show them how to screw the right way up.
Temple Emanuel	Ten. One to change it...and 9 to run down to Moriah and brag about it.
Trinity	None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark.
Tynedale	None. They're all too busy at Westpoint, Blacktown.
Wenona	One. She'll go down to the bus stop and flirt with a Shore boy until he comes up to change it for her.